Author Topic: A selection  (Read 600 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Ianrobbo1

  • CBF Pro
  • ***
  • Topic Author
  • Posts: 183
  • Bike: bird + CBF1000
  • City / Town: Wakefield
A selection
on: 05 July, 2019, 07:55:22 PM
Did you hear about the man who had the end of his penis cut off?
He's won a Nobel Prize!

I used to have an Italian friend who was a chef at a fancy restaurant.
Sadly he’s no longer with us anymore, he pasta-way!

My family said I'd never amount to anything, then I invented an invisibility cloak.
If only they could see me now

My wife has just fell over and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes.
I just sat back and watched it all unfold!

My parents just told me they would love another child!
“Great, I would love a little brother,” I said
“That’s not what we meant!” They replied

What's the sign outside an Egyptian car park...

My daughter is really missing the sun.
She has just lined up all her dolls facing out the window towards our outside grill.
I think she’s preparing some sort of Barbie Queue.

I once met a Korean martial artist who was giving away free chocolate bars.
I asked him if I could take two.
He said “No! You can Taekwondo."

I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”
She kicked me out and said, “The men I please are none of your business!”

I started a new job as a security guard last night.
Before he left my boss told me I had to make sure I watched the office all night.
I am on season 2 already but I don't know what it has to do with security.

I have just finished interviewing a young man for a job at my workplace.
I asked, "Can you perform under pressure?"
"I'm not sure, but I do an amazing Bohemian Rhapsody!" He replied
I hired him on the spot!

My son examined his balls in the bath.
“Mum,” he asked, “Are these my brains?”
“Not yet,” she replied.

I always told my dad his pride would be the death of him.
And sure enough, today he was eaten by his favorite lion.

A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked woman on his back.
"What are you supposed to be, then?" the host asks.
"I'm a turtle,"
"How can you be a turtle when all you've got is that naked woman on your back?"
"Oh her?" He smiles. "That's just Michelle!"

My best friend was killed with a starting pistol today.
Police think it may be race-related.

As I watched the dog chasing his tail I thought "Dogs are easily amused".
Then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.
A newbie to the Biffer, owned a Bird for 19 years, and looking forward to long term ownership of my CBF!!